so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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