You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
