just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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