Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
