I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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