if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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