A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
