his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize