he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
