people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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