You really coming over, don't trick.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
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I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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