So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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