Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
