your thong is hanging out like whoa
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
