If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize