Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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