I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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