when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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