Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
