I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
