you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
