Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
