I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
