i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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