she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
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We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
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I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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