it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
