you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
