____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
