he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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