Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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