i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
