I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
