She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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