Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
