I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
