I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
