We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
