And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
