you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
