so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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