Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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