I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
