I got chris browned last night
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
