Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He passed out mid-signature
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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