My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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