there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
