Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
