I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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