I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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