the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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