Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
