For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
