Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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