your parents love me but you hate me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
