yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
