He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
