Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
