She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
