be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
