my phone needs a breathalizer
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
