oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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