the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize