my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
