We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
