and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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