i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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