Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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