I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
