last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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